Prisoners and Poems: surprisingly a recipe for laughter...

Happy New Year! 2011 brings some changes to our little book club. Our pal Diane is taking a leave of absence (we hope, we are all in denial that she may not actually come back) and thus, we have gained a new member. Welcome to Ann, we are happy to have you join us and we apologize (okay, I apologize) in advance for the many inappropriate comments to which you will be subjected. Let me start with this one, it was a very tricky process to pick a new member, so you'd better not let us down. Although, I will say that if last night was any predictor I think you are going to fit right in!


We have also welcomed back Tracy, who was a founding member, after her short leave of absence. I say "short" because in the span of 30 to 50 years of a book club (a girl can dream!), what is 3 or 4 years, really? We are so happy to have you back Tracy, just wait until you see how much less inhibited we've become!


Beth kicked off the year with an outstanding entry in to the "Best Book Club Meeting" of the year award category. From the cafeteria food (and styrofoam trays), the research, the visuals and the poetry lesson; to the questions, the "kites" and the name tags every detail of the night was creatively implemented! Bravo!!!


Now, without further ado (because I don't think any of you really want to hear me talk anymore) here are our jail house poems in no particular order, for you to peruse. Happy Reading!


Boomerang:
What can I say,
You're never there.
What is a guy to do, just stand here?
I looked out the window
and what do I see?
Not you, just another b*tch
looking at me
Instead of complaining,
why don't you do some explaining
Where the f*ck you been?
You know I have no pen!
So, if you want to talk,
get up, take a walk
C'mon, b*tch,to the window we agreed on
don't make me feel like no con.


*Boomerang is serving 10-15 for armed robbery and he is apologizing to his girlfriend in the tower for skywriting to another skank last night.


Banshee:
Denied my appeal
Confined Indefinitely
Jail love beats no love


L-squared (Lips-N-Lumps):
Hot mama where u at
I need you now
My sweet little cat


Your hips have swagger
Your titties bang
Your sweet a*s is like a dagger
Man! I need to touch my wang


For now you are in my dreams, 
We are together and safe
Maybe in a shower, with a lot of steam


Keep me in your htoughts
Stay by your window
I love you lots
You are my main bimbo


* L-Squared is trying to win over the hot mama flashing him from the tower, third window from the left, second floor as it is almost Valentine's Day.


A Pen's Pen (APP):
That b*itch done insulted my potatoes again,
So I let her have it.
Poured gravy down the front of her big ass silicone tits
Slapped her with a pork chop, right across her ho-b*tch face


How's I to know she had that shank 
Stabbed me right in my mother f*ckin shoulder


F*ckin c**t! Nows my shoulda's achin, 
and I still gots ta stir them damn mashed patatas, 
every f*ckin day


I'm waitin ta see what that
skanky b*tch's gonna say ta me tomorrow
It's aight, I got a big ass skillet waitin,
right here next ta me.


* APP's shoulder is still aching from the shank he took in the midst of the cafeteria riot last week


Taz:
Innocent


To be an innocent
In a world full of guilt
To be an innocent
In a world full of filth


To be an innocent
Helping a neighbor in stress
To be an innocent
Carrying some heroin in my a*s


To be an innocent
In a room, with a guard and a spoon
To be an innocent
And being asked to bend over and moon!


* Taz is TOTALLY innocent of all charges despite the ounce of heroin discovered during the cavity search


Lil Snookie:
I didn't mean it
She had it comin
But that man, he my life
and well, I was w/o a knife


Standin there with egg on my face
Wonderin how I got to this place
He told me "just mind my business and eat my fries"
But I saw her wanderin eyes


So, I looked down deep inside my soul
Told myself, she aint worth yo time
but something rose up, I coulda eat 10 dime


I grabbed below lickety plit,
And "whaaack" she'd been hit
Take my man?
Oh, no she won't


But lord your light done shone
And now I know I'm not alone
Stilleto shoes not good for yo feet
But revenge is sweet lord on the soul


Amen


PT Too Hot!
B*tch! You Ho!
I treated you right 
Then you snitch, 
Just for spite?


That jon damn paid good money 
Fo those extra tricks
Not my d*mn fault
He got all nasty with those sticks


Now, i stuck in here for a lon, long time
don't mean I won't take care of whats mine
So, now as you lay down
 yo skanky head
you'd best be ready for my boy
 to lay down some lead 


No one walks away from this daddy,
not unless yo want to end up in the vegetable paddy...


*PT Too Hot is pissed at one of his Hos for snitching on him to the cops.


Chaulkboard:
One Last


Incarcerated for 10-life
Leave behind my kids and wife


Im stuck in jail with Bubba-Mach
I just want my freedom back


I did not mean to shoot that man,
who made me mad, before I ran


He should notv'e dissed my new bling
I traded him a bullet for that zing


So, now I am here for a minor mistake
And here I lie, asleep and then awake


Spoonin with my cellmate 
Boy, this really makes me hate


I am getting sick of dick, I wants to hunt
I would trade my soul for just one last c*nt


* Now that Chaulkboard is behind bars he would trade his soul for one last...well, you know...

First Club of the New Year!

A shout out to my bitches in the tower! Great clubbing it wit' y'all last night! You skanks were mad crazy and those poems were some wacked s#*t! Keep it real homegirls! Catch y'all at the Shiva-sizzle!

June Book Club

A warm Sunday night was spent by the 4 ladies in attendance. With over 10 questions each we definitely discussed the book! It ended up being a book liked by everyone. The Stoli Dolis and Dark & Stormies helped with answering the questions and because there were so many we were allowed to toss aside any questions that were just too deep for us!

The background accordion music was also part of the entertainment.

We did not vote on the book so we will have to do that at July's Book Club meeting.

Thank you for coming and see you in July!

Keep reading!
Clara

May Book Club

Hello fellow members,
Just wanted to take this new blogging-opportunity to remind you all to come to the Club on Monday night with shirts that "tell all" and a taste for "firey" foods! See you on Memorial Day!

And So It Begins...

In June of 2005, my friend Christine asked me if I was interested in being in a book club. I was a young Mom of (then) 3 and I figured a night out of the house with some girl friends would be a good time, so I readily agreed. At first I was a bit nervous because although I had heard that book clubs could be fun, I had also heard that book clubs could be pits of drama, hard feelings and cat fights. After brief contemplation I thought I didn't have much to lose because, lets face it, I can hold my own in a cat fight.

Several years, many books and some very good friends later I am so glad I did. The book club was started with 6 members, we have had a member leave us, gained a new member and then we gained 2 more. We have a wonderful group of 8 women with 23 children between the lot of us. We have 6 year old twins, 4 year old triplets and "if I peed on the stick and a plus sign appears, does that mean I am actually pregnant?" kids. Oh, we have definitely had a few bumps in the road but overall we have navigated them well. We learned not to discuss religion or abortion in the first year (or maybe two) of book club; we learned Beth needs gluten free snacks, Pam prefers margaritas, Rachel and Diane are happy with their pet-less existence and a book club field trip is always a hit. We also learned to make decisions as a group and to take the book club seriously.

We have settled in to a routine with our club, a routine that I have broken down into the basic rules. So here they are, the rules of book club, as I see 'em:

1. We rotate picking books, one per month. My pick always follows Kristen's pick, unless we have to switch to accomodate someone's schedule.

2. If you pick the book, you host the book club that month. You are responsible for the snacks and the book club questions. Generally we try to have about 2 questions per person (I always think the made up questions are the best! So much easier than those internet questions that someone else made up...) Christine has treated us to two especially notable book clubs: 1 - the finger sandwich tea party (catered!) and 2 - the Winery tour/tasting (free gift certificate! Woohoo!)

3. We meet the last Sunday of the month (Thus our name, Sunday Nigth Book CLub - which I am abbreviating to SNBC), every month. We rarely switch the date and I think we have only skipped an entire month once in our 5 years together ~ Seriously? 5 years already!

4. Try your damndest to finish the book and if you don't no need to worry, it is probable that Danielle won't have finished it either! We still enjoy having her at our meetings and we can fill in the ending of the book anyway.Reading the book is preferred but we have ALL been guilty of putting down the monthly selection (usually Rachel's picks for me!)

5. Recently we added a rating system for our books, we also keep a list of all of the books we have read so we can review as needed. It is surprising really how many books one can forget she has read... (Yes, we read a book called "The Book Club" and then forgot about it; I am sure it has everything to do with our advancing ages and nothing to do with the actual book!)

6. We all strive to WIN a book club award! This is top priority in making book club choices and although we won't admit it, I am pretty sure all of us have coveted an award each year(more on the awards later, definitely it's own blog...)

7. Lastly, Instead of reading a book for the month of December we have a dinner and hand out the yearly book club awards. We also do a yankee swap with gifts that follow the theme of one of the books we have read that year.

Sounds simple, right? Ha! (Or LOL as we say on facebook...)

We did not make these rules at the beginning of our book club journey. We thought about it and then, well, we drank more wine instead. Eventually we came to a big turning point in the scheduling and we picked a monthly day (the last Sunday) that never changes. Then we can all anticipate it, make plans around it and if we need to miss it, there are no hard feelings. That is unless you miss a 40th birthday party for Kristen. Apparently that is not a good plan and the remainder of the book club may torment you about it for awhile (watch out for Christine especially). We usually have most of us at book club, although summer meetings can be a bit thin. Oh yeah, and that time at Rachel's house, where there were only 2 people that showed up (hey, I have an excuse, my grandmother died on that day...)

Through parties (too many to list), new babies (Rachel and I both), tampon throwing at Danielle's house (I had not even met her before I launched Tampax at her beautifully decorated house) and, of course, many books, we have been sharing our stories with each other. We have told the stories of our youths, our families, our husbands, our jobs, our religions, our hopes, fears and our beliefs. And although we are very different, we all keep coming back for more.